Miata Acknowledgement Protocol

(MAP)

by Phredd

MAP (Miata Acknowledgement Protocol) involves a rather complicated formula of chromatic/chronological seniority. Memorizing and astutely applying its tenets at the time of any MME (Miata Meeting Event) will ensure you perform no breech of etiquette and will positively enhance your Miata driving experience.

IIRC, the first Miatas came to these shores in one's choice of Red, white, or blue. It was a ploy by Mazda PRD (Public Relations Division) to endear the little marque to the US market through a thinly veiled theme of patriotism. It didn't quite make it up the flagpole, though. Mazda, playing it close to the vest, exported around nine copies of each color in their initial line and, when more than 27 customers showed up to buy them, the US dealer network exhibited its patriotism by adding an MVA (Market Value Adjustment) of between 5 and 10 Large to each and every example it had on the lot.

Unbelievably, they nonetheless sold out.

Well, this only served to encourage the MMM (Mazda Marketing Minions) and they eventually calculated that they could sell lots more cars here if they only had more colors. If they added black, for example, export totals would automatically rise to 36. A silver model and it would soar to 45!

They almost immediately saw the potential of this strategy and started - willy nilly - introducing other "alternative" colors such as taxicab yellow, metallic-tasting merlot, something called "BRG" [to this day, no one knows what that acronym actually stands for], and no fewer than one hundred and forty-seven variations on the original blue. As you can guess, export quantities soared.

So, that gives you a bit of history on chromatic development.

Now, for the chronological.

As we've observed, Red, white, and blue were the original offerings and, as such, carry the seniority. Red, of course, is defined and revered as "Classic." We should also note here that Red is the One, True Roadster Color. Everyone knows that, of course. White -- well white is actually the absence of color and was only used to separate the Red and blue for PPP (Patriotic Ploy Purposes). Heck, even the US Flag only includes it to keep all the Red from running together and looking like some kind of crummy Commie flag. The original blue [some call it Smurf blue, I believe] is cute and harmless enough but, well, suffice it to say that it's just not the same calibre as Red. So, these three colors [despite what one may think of the lesser two] are naturally superior to any of the subsequent offerings. And, who knows where the MMM may tangent off to next!

Now, we come to the working MAP. You didn't mention what color your car is but, I guess, it's safe to assume it's not Classic Red. You surely would have mentioned that. But, MAP works sorta like this:

• If you are driving any of those Johnny-come-lately rabble colors and you have an MME with any one of the original RWB cars, you are obligated, by all that is holy, to signal first. And, not just first, but enthusiastically and with a deferential smile.
• If you are driving any of those rabble colors and you have an MME with any one of the other rabble colors . . . well, it doesn't matter. You all can work that for yourselves.
• If you are driving either an original white or an original blue and you have an MME with a Classic Red, you are also required to signal first and, although you must do so deferentially, you can, at least, exhibit an expression of knowing brotherhood.
• But, if you are driving *any one* of the rabble colors and you have an MME with a bleached-out Classic Red '90 with bald tires and even a trace of the Miata decalcomania remaining on its left, front bumper cover and [this is important] its TOP IS DOWN, you are required to immediately pull over to the curb, stop your car, and stand on its hood with your cover doffed and your right hand over your heart as it drives by. If you happen to be in the military, you may remain covered and effect a snappy salute.